It is time today to think about how you might break that competitive cycle. Here are some thoughts:
Embrace differences and let them be growth opportunities. As I noted before, the body of Christ has different parts that come together in unity. Same for our marriages, we are each uniquely created individuals. Are you willing to see your spouse as a creature to whom God gave unique gifts, talents and experiences? Would you be willing to embrace and dare I say even value the way that person differs from you? You might experience your spouse in a whole new way if you do. Don’t get me wrong, differences can be a great source of frustration. This is why they present as growth opportunities if you are willing to view them as such. As a result of how my wife and I differ, I get a chance to grow in my ability to manage frustration, embrace someone who is different from me, begin to modify something about me, etc. Sound unreal? Give it a try and see.
Know that there is an adversary; it’s just not your mate. Scripture describes this adversary as roaming about like a lion waiting to devour. He is also described as a thief who is bent on robbing, killing and destroying. That is who our true enemy is, not each other.
Act more like a teammate and less like an adversary. Do you realize that teammates become really good at what they do? They work tirelessly to practice and hone their skills individually while also learning how to fit into the team. Are you willing to commit to that? Are you willing to put the effort into running the race (marathon) of your marriage to the best of your ability regardless of how the other runner shows up?
I can hear the argument already, “My spouse never (won’t/can’t/doesn’t) plays like a teammate.” Well that does complicate things, but let me challenge you that it does not mean you have to stop being the best team member you can be. As Christians we are called to run the race. We are asked to sacrifice something to pursue Christ and become like Him. So you say you can’t do that. Your situation is too unique. Your spouse is too cruel, or too distant, or too controlling, or too whatever. Well, I would agree with you that you can’t do it alone. That is precisely the point; you can’t but He can. We cannot be great teammates on our own, but we serve a God who is way bigger than the problems we face. That doesn’t mean we stop trying. It does mean that we have to keep our focus on where our true strength lies (see Philippians 4:13).
I hope these ideas are helpful to you becoming a team player in your marriage. They have been of help to me in mine. If you pursue this, there will be difficult moments but there also could be great rewards. Let me offer you the first words of encouragement as any good fan would do, “Go Team!”
